There is a difference between listening and hearing. When you hear something, you are going through a physiological process which happens when sound waves go inside your ear. Your central nervous system then processes these sound waves. When you listen, you are engaging in an active process and you comprehend the sounds you hear. Listening actively needs you to pay attention, interpret messages and react in the right manner. For a relationship to work, it is important to listen to your partner and understand his thoughts and actions so that you can communicate better.
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It is important to have good listening skills in all kinds of relationships because when you listen to people, it means you care. You need to empathize with or understand people and what they are going through so as to enhance and maintain your relationship with them. To have empathy, you should listen properly and focus on what your partner tells you. When you listen well, you will get to know your partner better.
You will know your relationship is healthy when you and your partner listen well to each other. You have smooth conversations no matter how sensitive your topics may be. This is because you constantly feel you both hear each other and you take your conversations seriously. If you do not listen well to one another, this can lead to arguments and fights. Read on to know what the techniques are to listen well and how you should apply them in your relationship.
Why is it important to listen? It is to absorb information or data. If you are a good listener, you are like a sponge because you absorb what your partner says and use such information to understand him. Many people make the mistake of thinking what to utter next instead of listening to what their partners are saying. Remember that your brain works on one thought at a time. If you are not absorbing data, it means you are having your own thoughts.
You fail to absorb data when you do not hear what your partner is really saying and instead, you hear what you think he is truly uttering. Another reason for failing to absorb information is when you listen to what you think is incorrect so that you can rectify it or when you think that what you have to say is more appropriate than what your partner is saying. For proper data absorption in your conversation with your partner, focus on absorbing, comprehending, and utilizing the information you are really hearing.
When you listen, concentrate on what you are actually hearing. You need to listen attentively so that you can better grasp what your partner is saying and it shall register in your mind. The sad thing is not everybody knows how to do this because of distractions. They therefore fail to hear the entirety of the message given to them. If you want to listen effectively, be open to a two-way communication and do not be adversarial.
How do you know you are adversarial? It is when you listen to your partner to show him he is incorrect. You listen so that you will be able to prove you are the one who is right and powerful. You want to emerge the victor of the conversation and you aim to control and defeat your partner rather than engage in a peaceful and loving two-way dialogue. You should instead view the person you are conversing with as your partner and you must work together so you can both better understand the topic you are discussing.
When you converse with your partner with your arms across the chest, your face sneering and your hip jutting out, it shows you do not care at all. If you wish to convey to your partner that you are listening to him and you wish to communicate peacefully, you should stand or sit using an open stance. Your hands must be on your lap or at the sides, your arms and legs uncrossed and your face expressing open-mindedness.
When you talk, it means you are not really listening so if your partner is speaking to you, do not talk. Never interrupt him. Give yourself five to ten seconds prior to speaking after your partner finishes talking.
When you listen to your partner, have a response that is non-judgmental. Never defend yourself immediately if your partner tells you something. Say “I understand” or “I see” if you wish to make a comment when your partner finishes talking.
Always be cautious with the words you use. Say what you really mean and practice saying what you wish to utter. When you respect what you say, you respect yourself. Your partner in return shall respect you and will offer his ears.
Aside from you learning how to listen effectively to your partner, you should also know how to make him listen to you. You will feel so frustrated when you feel your partner does not hear you. Men are not aware that they hurt their partners when they do not listen to them. There are tips in making your partner listen to what you have to say.
When you speak to your partner, go to an environment that is calm and quiet. When there are distractions that are loud, you will not be able to listen attentively. A serious conversation needs a place that has no distractions.
Concentrate on your thoughts. You have to prepare yourself for your conversation with your partner so that you can efficiently and effectively deliver your point. If you ramble or beat around the bush, your partner will get confused and distracted and he may not understand you. He will also lose interest in what you have to say.
When you converse with your partner, speak rationally and prudently for him to hear you. When you are distressed, your feelings get the best of you. Your partner will then feel defensive and threatened and he will not listen to you. Control your feelings and never blow your top. People do not want to listen to those who are not in control of themselves.
Tell your partner what you really feel so that he will listen to you. Do not criticize his actions nor should you blame him. People usually find it difficult to perceive how their actions influence others. Let your partner know if you got hurt with what he said or did. Instead of shouting at him or complaining about him, initiate an intelligent conversation.
Learn how to ask questions so that he will engage in your conversation and listen to you. Do not rant even if you are displeased. Do not talk to him but converse with him.
Find solutions to your problems and offer suggestions. Instead of offering complaints, give some ideas on how to solve your issues. Stay positive and utilize constructive criticisms. Never insult your partner as this will stop him from listening to you.
Listen actively for your partner to listen to you. You have to learn how to listen if you want him to hear you. If you show that you do not wish to listen to what he has to say, he will not be interested to hear you out as well. Prior to acknowledging your thoughts and feelings, you need to acknowledge his ideas and emotions.
When you know how to listen to your partner, you will understand him and he in return will listen and understand you as well.